Kill Me Now Read online

  Lights rise on JAKE and JOEY in the bathroom. JOEY’s in the tub.

  JOEY:

  Dah?

  JAKE:

  Yeah?

  JOEY:

  Ah suruh. (I’m sorry.)

  JAKE:

  Joey—

  JOEY:

  Fuh pusuh yuh duh. (For pushing you down.)

  JAKE:

  That was a very bad thing to do. You know that. But the doctor’s said something would’ve triggered the pain eventually.

  JOEY:

  Ah dunuh buhk yuh bahg? (I didn’t break your back?)

  JAKE:

  They say this has been growing in me for a long time.

  JOEY:

  Suh yuh buns uh fuht ub tuh? (So your bones are fucked-up too?)

  JAKE:

  I guess so.

  JOEY:

  Wuh? (Why?)

  JAKE

  : Who knows?

  JOEY:

  Luf sugs. (Life sucks.)

  JAKE:

  So I was thinking—

  JOEY:

  Wuh?

  JAKE:

  You should get that place with Rowdy.

  JOEY:

  Ah nuh wuhnuh moob owd nuh muh. (I don’t want to move out no more.)

  JAKE:

  Why not?

  JOEY:

  Huss gwunuh tah cah uf yuh? (Who’s gonna take care of you?)

  JAKE:

  Aunt Twyla. My friends—

  JOEY:

  Wuh fwunsh? (What friends?)

  JAKE:

  The Services will help out. I called Phillip. He’s happy to work with both of us.

  JOEY:

  Ah dun fing ah shuh moob owd nuh. (I don’t think I should move out now.)

  JAKE:

  No seriously—

  JOEY:

  Nuh. Ah stuh wiv yuh. (No. I’ll stay with you.)

  JAKE

  : Joey—

  JOEY:

  Ih muh fawh! (It’s my fault!)

  JAKE:

  Don’t cry.

  JOEY:

  Uh suruh Dah. (I’m sorry Dad.)

  JAKE:

  It’s okay.

  JAKE soothes JOEY.

  JOEY:

  Uh guh mah un uh cand kohtroh ih. (I get mad and I can’t control it.)

  JAKE:

  It’s not your fault.

  JOEY:

  Uh suh suhuh. Wuh duh ah gud suh cayshuh? (I’m so sorry. Why do I get so crazy?)

  JAKE:

  It’s your age. It’s very confusing. We’ll figure this out. It’s okay.

  Pause. JOEY gets himself under control as JAKE washes him.

  JOEY:

  Wiw yuh buh alba tuh wuhk? (Will you be able to work?)

  JAKE:

  Sure.

  JOEY:

  Weh tash guh. (Well that’s good.)

  JAKE:

  It is.

  JOEY:

  Muhbuh Wowdee kud heb ush. (Maybe Rowdy could help us.)

  JAKE:

  Let me think about it.

  JOEY:

  Ah kah hub tuh. (I can help too.)

  JAKE:

  Don’t worry son.

  Pause. JOEY is breathing very heavily. His eyes are closed. JAKE rinses the last of the soap from his body.

  JOEY:

  Bonuh.

  JAKE:

  Yes.

  JOEY:

  Suruh.

  JAKE:

  Completely normal.

  JOEY:

  Nuh wuhmuh wuh ufuh tuh muh. Weh uh fik ubuh ud ih ih mag muh kashuh. (No woman will ever touch me. When I think about it it makes me crazy.)

  Pause.

  JAKE:

  I’ll take care of you Joey. No matter what. Always.

  JOEY:

  Uh duh wuhuh buh hew wihow ooh Dah. (I don’t want to be here without you Dad.)

  JAKE:

  Do you mean that?

  JOEY:

  Suh.

  JAKE:

  If I had to—go away—you’d want to come with me?

  JOEY:

  Yuh.

  Pause.

  JAKE:

  Joe I—I can help—help you if you need it.

  JOEY:

  Heb muh? (Help me?)

  JAKE:

  If you—you need me to. It’s like washing your hair or changing your underwear. If you want me to. You don’t have to say anything. Just turn away if you don’t want me to. Do you understand?

  JOEY can’t look his father in the eye.

  I want you to close your eyes.

  JOEY:

  Uhkuh.

  JAKE:

  Now put your hand on mine.

  JOEY:

  Dah?

  JAKE:

  You’ve been looking at some—some naked ladies on your tablet right?

  JOEY:

  Yuh.

  JAKE:

  Is there one you really like?

  JOEY:

  Yuh. Duh blun huh duh unuh. (Yes. The blond who does anal.)

  JAKE:

  Think of her.

  JOEY:

  Suh.

  JAKE:

  This is not me. It’s you. I’m not here.

  JOEY:

  Uhkuh.

  These actions are not seen because they happen below the edge of the tub but they are clear.

  JAKE:

  This is you.

  JAKE takes hold of JOEY’s cock. JOEY gasps.

  Or that girl.

  JOEY smiles and makes a gurgling sound as JAKE masturbates him.

  Just think of her.

  JOEY:

  Yuh.

  JAKE covers his face with his other hand.

  JAKE:

  Think of her.

  JOEY’s eyes close. JAKE fights not to cry. Fade to black. A moment of silence. Lights rise on the kitchen. TWYLA enters with ROWDY and bags of groceries that they unpack as the scene progresses.

  ROWDY:

  I still say Fifth Street would’ve been faster.

  TWYLA:

  There’s construction on Fifth.

  ROWDY:

  They finished it last week.

  TWYLA:

  You didn’t mention that.

  ROWDY:

  I told you to take Fifth.

  TWYLA:

  You didn’t say the construction was finished.

  ROWDY:

  Do I have to explain everything all the way through all the time?

  TWYLA:

  Yes.

  ROWDY:

  Because you think I’m stupid.

  TWYLA:

  I don’t think you’re stupid.

  ROWDY:

  You don’t trust me.

  TWYLA:

  I’m just not sure you being here is a great idea.

  ROWDY:

  Mr. S has the money Joey has the brains and I have the power. Works fine except I do most of everything.

  JOEY enters.

  JOEY:

  Dih yuh guh muh tust? (Did you get my text?)

  TWYLA:

  Halfway home. Sorry. You’re not completely out are you?

  JOEY:

  Nuh kut. (Not quite.)

  ROWDY:

  What’d we forget?

  TWYLA:

  Toilet paper. I’ll get a crateful on my way here tomorrow.

  JOEY:

  Uh muhd tuh puh ih oh thuh lish. Suruh. (I meant to put it on the list. S
orry.)

  TWYLA:

  Where’s Phillip?

  JOEY:

  Luf ah shiks. (Left at six.)

  TWYLA:

  Is it after six?

  JOEY:

  Tunuh ufuh. Yuh guh duh bwah suruhlah? (Twenty after. You got the bran cereal?)

  TWYLA:

  Extra bran.

  JAKE enters in sweats and a robe. He uses a cane. His energy is clearly dimished.

  JAKE:

  It’s a good day.

  ROWDY:

  Why?

  JAKE:

  I actually wiped my ass properly.

  JAKE pours himself a drink.

  TWYLA:

  It’s a bit early to be drinking.

  JAKE:

  You’re one to talk. Anyway I only sleep in drug-induced snatches so linear time really has no meaning to me.

  TWYLA

  : You okay?

  JAKE:

  Sure.

  ROWDY picks up a number of items.

  ROWDY:

  Stowin’ shit.

  ROWDY exits.

  TWYLA:

  Teaching today?

  JAKE:

  No. No I’m not. I—I won’t be teaching anymore.

  TWYLA:

  What?

  JAKE:

  Apparently my last batch of assessments was incomprehensible. Although they made perfect sense to me at the time. The college has been very understanding of my—challenges but really had no choice blah blah blah.

  TWYLA:

  I guess it’s a good thing your medical insurance kicked in.

  JAKE:

  I’ll still have to apply for disability.

  TWYLA:

  More forms. The two bowls on the counter are dinner. Just throw them in the microwave then split the container of mixed vegetables and you’re set.

  JAKE:

  Thank you.

  TWYLA:

  Are you managing your pain alright?

  JAKE:

  Yes but it makes me so dopey.

  JOEY:

  Eeh kye ih hush seep. Uh heeh huh. (He cries in his sleep. I hear him.)

  TWYLA:

  Did he eat a lunch?

  JOEY:

  Eeh pish ah ih buh dun eeh mush. (He picks at it but doesn’t eat much.)

  TWYLA:

  He has to eat some real food.

  JAKE:

  I’m fine.

  TWYLA:

  Maybe I should move in for a while.

  JOEY:

  Nuh!

  JAKE:

  We’ve got Rowdy.

  TWYLA:

  Okay but really—

  ROWDY enters

  ROWDY:

  Who needs tea?

  TWYLA:

  No one.

  There’s a knock at the door.

  JOEY:

  Wuh?

  ROWDY:

  Got it.

  ROWDY hollers at the door.

  Come in.

  ROBYN enters.

  ROBYN:

  Hello.

  JAKE:

  Robyn?

  TWYLA:

  Robyn?

  ROBYN:

  Hi. Yes. I’m Robyn. With a Y.

  TWYLA:

  Wouldn’t that be Yobin?

  ROBYN:

  Instead of the I.

  TWYLA:

  Right.

  ROBYN:

  I’m one of Jake’s former students. I heard he’d had some trouble so I thought since I was in the neighbourhood anyway that I’d stop by and say hello.

  JAKE:

  Hello.

  ROBYN:

  Hello.

  Pause.

  JAKE:

  This is my sister Twyla—my son Joey and—

  ROWDY:

  (moving to ROBYN to shake her hand) Rowdy Akers. No real relation. Charmed to meet you mam.

  ROBYN:

  I’ve come at a bad time haven’t I?

  JAKE:

  It’s fine. Joey and Rowdy—I know you guys have things to do.

  ROWDY:

  Let’s give your old dad some privacy.

  JOEY:

  Uh. Yuh. (to ROBYN) Nih tuh mute ooh Wubuh. (Nice to meet you Robyn.)

  ROBYN:

  Pardon?

  JAKE:

  He said it’s nice to meet you Robyn.

  ROBYN:

  Of course. Sorry. It’s nice to meet you too Joey.

  JOEY and ROWDY exit.

  TWYLA:

  You and Jake have stayed in touch all these years?

  ROBYN:

  Sporadically. I have my own family to look after. Thank god for the internet.

  TWYLA:

  The only people I’ve ever known Jake to hang with are some of the buddies he plays hockey with.

  ROBYN:

  Good for him for staying active.

  TWYLA:

  Yeah it’s funny.

  ROBYN:

  What?

  TWYLA:

  Hockey every Tuesday night for years and he never seemed to—get into better shape.

  ROBYN:

  At least his heart is healthy.

  TWYLA:

  Yes.

  JAKE:

  I’ll play hockey again.

  ROBYN:

  Sure you will.

  TWYLA:

  I should—run. Nice to meet you Robyn.

  ROBYN:

  Lovely to meet you.

  TWYLA:

  Have a great game.

  TWYLA exits.

  ROBYN:

  Are we that obvious?

  JAKE:

  Apparently.

  ROBYN:

  I had to know how you’re doing.

  JAKE:

  It’s okay.

  ROBYN:

  Have you missed me?

  JAKE:

  Yes of course but—

  ROBYN:

  What?

  JAKE:

  This thing occupies a huge space in my life now.

  ROBYN:

  Don’t the painkillers help?

  JAKE:

  They don’t kill pain so much as they kill my ability to care about pain—and anything else.

  ROBYN:

  Do you mind if I have a drink?

  JAKE:

  No. Fresh mine up too while you’re at it.

  ROBYN:

  Is that such a good idea?

  JAKE:

  It is an excellent idea.

  ROBYN:

  Would you like to do something? A game—cards? Some light oral perhaps?

  Pause.

  Or heavier oral if you prefer.

  JAKE:

  Unfortunately the nerve attacks go through my dick. Sometimes I get these completely unexpected and inappropriate hard-ons without even knowing it’s happening and other times it’s like I’m dead below the waist. Even if I got hard I wouldn’t be able to come. That’s the meds.

  ROBYN:

  I’m sorry.

  JAKE:

  It’s made masturbating Joey easier.

  ROBYN:

  So you’ve—

  JAKE:

  He goes into whatever fantasy he’s discovered on the net and I make myself dead inside.

  ROBYN:

  Oh Jake—

  JAKE:

  All in a day’s work.

  ROBYN:

  I did some research Jake. I know how serious stenosis can be.


  JAKE:

  But it can also be just annoying for some.

  ROBYN:

  You seem—more than annoyed.

  JAKE:

  Yes.

  ROBYN moves behind JAKE and massages his shoulders.

  ROBYN:

  I wish there was some way I could help.

  JAKE:

  That feels so good.

  ROBYN:

  Just relax.

  JAKE:

  I never wanted you to see this dump.

  ROBYN:

  It’s a well-used family home.

  JAKE:

  It’s filthy. There are tire marks on every wall. The furniture’s falling apart. The windows haven’t been cleaned in—

  ROBYN:

  Jake all I see is you.

  Pause.

  JAKE:

  How are the boys?

  ROBYN:

  Men now and completely uninterested in me. Anastasia’s taken to coming home early because she knows I’m there alone. She’s very sympathetic and it’s nice to have someone to talk to but she’s not you. I miss you—your voice your skin the way we—are you sleeping?

  He has fallen asleep. She kisses the top of his head.

  I’ll see myself out.

  JOEY enters.

  JOEY:

  Ah yuh lufuh? (Are you leaving?)

  ROBYN:

  No. I’m leaving.

  JOEY nods.

  Your dad fell asleep.

  JOEY:

  Guh. Eeh uh ahpyah wuh huh seeb. Uh wuk hum ub fuh dunuh. (Good. He is happier when he sleeps. I’ll wake him up for dinner.)

  ROBYN:

  (no idea what he’s said) Yes right.

  JOEY:

  Yuh uh vewuh nesh tuh luh uh. (You are very nice to look at.)

  ROBYN:

  Good.

  JOEY:

  Ooh hub nuh uduh whuh um suhuh. (You have no idea what I’m saying.)

  ROBYN:

  Say goodbye for me.

  JOEY:

  (with great effort to be understood) Preash cub bag.

  ROBYN:

  Did you just say please come back?

  JOEY:

  Yuh.

  ROBYN:

  You think that’s a good idea?

  JOEY:

  (with effort) Eeh hush nuh frunsh. (He has no friends.)

  ROBYN:

  Sorry?

  JOEY:

  Eeh neesh frunsh. Pleesh. (He needs friends. Please.)

  Pause.

  ROBYN:

  It was nice to meet you.

  JOEY:

  Ooh tuh. (You too.)

  ROBYN exits. Lights on the kitchen rise. TWYLA is at the fridge, cleaning it out. She tsks in disgust. ROWDY enters with a bag.